Sad, but OK

This past weekend, my father-in-law, Len, went to the hospital. He had been suffering with pancreatic cancer that was diagnosed in December of 2004. The first few months he fought it well and the treatments he was given were working. After about 5-6 months, the growth was unrecognizable on any tests.

Well the growth came back and he was really feeling the effects of it, especially the last 4 weeks. On Sunday night, we received a call from my wife's mother that Len probable had days to go. On Monday afternoon, we got the call that it was down to hours and to come to the hospital to say our good-byes.

When I got to the hospital, he was just laying there, staring and unresponsive. He was just breathing and at times taking long amounts of time to get one breath. I was able to stay for about an hour and a half, then I had to go pick-up our daughter from the day-care. I held his hand, said my good-byes, and kissed him on the forehead. I know that even though he was not responsive that he knew were all there (we being my wife, my mother-in-law, and my brother-in-law).

After I picked-up our daughter and got home, we weren't in the door five minutes when the phone wrang and my wife informed me that Len had died. It was very peaceful the way he went...he took one last breath and that was that. It was actually beautiful the fact that his wife and children got to be there and he died with them at his bedside.

Life is such a mystery. How can some people smoke cigarettes and never get a severe illness like Emphasema and others like Len can lead such a healthy life and die of cancer?

He was a Vietnam veteran and received a Purple Heart after an amunition shed exploded, sending shrapnel into his body. He recovered ok, but never really talked at all about his battle experiences. Over the years he did open up about his time in Korea and his touring the country after he recovered from his injuries.

My wife has been taking this very well. Her attitude is that he is in a much better place and that he not suffering anymore. My mother-in-law was affected by this tremendously while he suffered! Their lives changed so much after he got originally diagnosed, especially with trips to doctors, not knowing if he was going to live and how long, and having to make plans when he dies. They hardly ever went out towards the end and did not have much of lives. It was sad to see their lives affected like this. One good thing was that they watched our daughter on Thursdays. She helped take their minds off of their problems and brought a lot of joy and happiness into their otherwise tough lives! It is weird saying this, but it is good that he is gone so that the burden my mother-in-law has been carrying has been lifted and she can start living her life again.

Yes, I am sad that he is gone and still shed tears everyday for him. But there is always a silver lining in dark clouds. He is happy and in his moving on to heaven, my wife's family is better. We will always carry memories of him in our hearts and it is our belief that we will see him again someday that always keeps us optimistic.

I am most grateful for all of the heartfelt support with thoughts and prayers family and friends have given us during this time. There are many who have gone through this and know what we are feeling. These positive energies are being felt and a mere thank you does not seem like enough.

To you Len, I dedicate this Blog and want to thank you for all that you gave me and all you taught me. I know you are resting in Peace.