Why did the chicken cross the Road?

As answered by the experts:

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken earn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of! the chickens.

GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of he road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

ANDERSON COOPER/CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the > chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2005, which will not only Cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^( C \..... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

Help you eyes while working on the computer

I did not know this and I have been working with computers since I was knee-high:


Why didn't someone tell me this a long time ago?

This is for everyone over 50 whose eyesight isn't what it used to be. I just found out about it, and thought I would pass the information on. It's very useful when trying to read small e-mail print (especially in the early hours).

If you hold down the Ctrl key on your key board and turn the small wheel in the middle of your mouse, the print size will change - it will either get larger or smaller - depending on which way you turn the wheel. Pass this on to other friends who may find it very useful....I'm glad I was told.

"There's gold in my front yard!"

Editor's Note: This Story was taken from AOL News today.

Gold Hunter Digs 60-Foot-Deep Hole in Yard

MONTCLAIR, Calif. (June 15) - A homeowner digging for gold in his front yard said he got "carried away" and ended up with a 60-foot-deep hole, authorities said.

Henry Mora, 63, began digging 10 days ago after his gold detector reported a positive hit near his front patio. He told authorities he only intended to go down three or four feet.
"I figured, well, maybe there's something down there - you would logically conclude, right? So I started digging," the semiretired musician said.
He started finding gold dust in the dirt and the detector kept hinting that he was getting closer, so he kept digging.
"It was still beeping, and that just gave me the idea to keep digging," he said.
Fire officials called to the scene Tuesday found two men that Mora hired were inside the hole, using a bucket and rope to remove dirt.
"We told him, 'You're done,"' said Montclair fire Capt. Rich Baldwin. "It's amazing no one got killed."
Authorities fenced off the property.

Changing History

I got this e-mail today...Made me sad and mad at the same time!!!

SHALL WE HIRE A MONUMENT ENGRAVER TO GO TO ARLINGTON NATIONAL CEMETERY ANDADD THE MISSING WORDS ?
A MESSAGE FROM AN APPALLED OBSERVER:Today I went to visit the new World War II Memorial in Washington, DC. I got an unexpected history lesson. Because I'm a baby boomer, I was one of the youngest in the crowd. Most were the age of my parents, veterans of "the greatest war," with their families. It was a beautiful day, and people were smiling and happy to be there. Hundreds of us milled around the memorial, reading the inspiring words of Eisenhower and Truman that are engraved there.
On the Pacific side of the memorial, a group of us gathered to read the words President Roosevelt used to announce the attack on Pearl Harbor: Yesterday, December 7, 1941-- a date which will live in infamy--the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked.One elderly woman read the words aloud:With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph.
But as she read, she suddenly turned angry. "Wait a minute," she said, "they left out the end of the quote. They left out the most important part. Roosevelt ended the message with "so help us God.'" Her husband said, "You are probably right. We're not supposed to say things like that now.""I know I'm right," she insisted. "I remember the speech." The two looked dismayed, shook their heads sadly and walked away.
Listening to their conversation, I thought to myself, "Well, it has been over 50 years. She's probably forgotten." But she had not forgotten. She was right.I went home and pulled out the book my book club is reading --- "Flags of Our Fathers" by James Bradley. It's all about the battle at Iwo Jima. I haven't gotten too far in the book. It's tough to read because it's a graphic description of the WWII battles in the Pacific. But, right there it was on page 58. Roosevelt's speech to the nation ends in "so help us God."The people who edited out that part of the speech when they engraved it on the memorial could have fooled me. I was born after the war. But they couldn't fool the people who were there. Roosevelt's words are engraved in their hearts. Now I ask: WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT TO CHANGE THE WORDS OF HISTORY??

XBox Part III: The Final Stretch

Well it looks like I am FINALLY in the home stretch with this whole XBox mess. For those of you who did not read my previous posts, I have been in the process of trying to buy a used XBox system through eBay. I bid on an item and won the auction exactly 4 WEEKS ago today!!!

Well here is an abbreviated update: the person I bought it from did not respond to my e-mails and messages to his eBay account asking him where our package was and when it would be delivered. After 3 weeks, and 1 or 2 replies by the seller, we discovered that he mailed the package to the wrong eBay buyer, who lived in Pennsylvania! All he had to do was track the shipment and he left me to do it myself after giving me the tracking number. What a dope!!!

So I got him to agree to refund me my money and at the same time I bid on and won another auction for an XBox system. I got my refund from the first seller this past Wednesday. This new seller took 5 days to get back to me as well, but as of Wednesday it has been varified through the US Postal Service that he did drop off the item to be shipped and it is on its way. God willing, it should arrive TODAY as he informed me that he sent it 2 Day Shipping.

This has been an ubelievable month of hell just trying to get a simple XBox system. I guess on one hand I shouldn't be too angry as this is what can happen when you try to save money and buy something used versus buying brand new from a store. On the other hand, I don't think it was too outlandish to think that I could buy and receive an XBox from eBay in less than a month's time. Unless you see another post from me on this subject, you can be reassured that I will be playing Halo and other fun games on my very own, finally delivered, relieved to be received, XBox system!

Polish Clock

Editor's Note: I was out for a week with my father-in-law's wake/funeral, then I was on vacation for a week. I hope you all didn't miss me TOO much!!!

The University of Poland science students have finally finished the digital clock they have been working on for 4 years. Go to this site to see the results:
Wait for it to load. This is a real clock, and it's pretty cool.
Check out the time.
http://www.yugop.com/ver3/stuff/03/fla.html