The Loving Husband

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Job Round 7

Well it has happened again to me in my life: I have lost my job and will soon be unemployed.

For those of you who do not know me, I have had 6 jobs since I graduated from Illinois State University 10 years ago and my next job will be #7! Let me give you a quick synopsis of my work history...

I graduated from school and went to work for my brother as a Sales Representative selling mainly printing. We worked well together, along with his business partner at the time, for 2-1/2 years. Unfortunately, sales did not happen and they had to close-up the business. Then I answered an ad for a small company as a Sales Engineer selling solder for the electronics industry for what ended-up being the Midest Territory. I got very tired of all of the travelling, not to mention the fact that the company was downsizing, and I left for another job. That company ended-up reducing its sales force from 12 to 2, so if I had not left I would have been let go.

Then a friend of mine approached me about being a Business Development Rep for a company his friends started. So the timing was great and I worked for them for 2-1/2 years. They eventually gave me some lame excuse for letting me go without even giving me a warning or chance to produce some more sales. I was out of work for almost two months when when of my best friend's father helped me get a job for one year as an Account Executive for a company he did business with. Then a fantastic opportunity came up for me to work with a bigger company making more money as an Account Manager. A business associate of mine that worked there told me about the position, put in a good word for me, and I landed the job. I was their one year when they had to let me go for not producing. I was not surprised as they made numerous attempts to help me make some sales and gave me 3 months to make some thing happen. Unfortunately, with all of my hours of work and opportunities, things didn't work out.

At the same time I was being let-go by that company, a friend of 15 years was looking for someone to help him get his company up and running. So he hired me to be the Customer Service and Marketing Director. I have worked here for a year and a half and after he and his father putting 3 years and lots of money into the business, they have decided to close-up the business. I can't say that I was too surprised as sales have not been there and we just could not get things to work.

So now I am in the process of looking for another job. I should say I am looking for a place to work at for many years and make a long-term career out of. All things considered, I am in a good place because my friend and his father are going to give me a severance PLUS they are putting in contact with a head hunter that will help me find a job! I am being very pro-active on my part. To date, I have applied for 20 jobs and am registered on Monster.com and CareerBuilder.com. I check the want-ads and have told all of my friends and family to keep their eyes open for any openings at any companies they work for.

After much soul-searching, I am sure that I want to continue with my marketing experience and perhaps land a job that entails advertising. So far, I have had many companies contact me about sales for them, but I would like to focus on my marketing objective. My days of direct sales are about over, but I would not COMPLETELY rule it out if the opportunity was perfect. I do have a job interview for a position I am not really interested in, but am using the opportunity to get some interview experience.

God has a plan for me and I may not know what it is, but he as taken care of me thus far, so I have no reason to believe he will let me down now. I will keep you posted as events allow.

The Pharmacist

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Illegal Immigration

The subject of Illegal Immigration has become a national issue in the past year with many political implications as well as a huge affect on the future of our country. Before you read on, I want you to focus on one word: ILLEGAL.
There are many angles I can take on this matter, but I am going to focus on one: Why is it ok for those that are here illegally to be here when there are other people from around the world that are going about coming here the right way (aka: they file the paperwork) and are still waiting for approval to come here?
Think about it. If you were from say the Congo and you wanted to come to the US, you would find out how to do this, you would file the proper paperwork, then you would wait for approval or disapproval. Then if you were disapproved, you would continue your efforts.
Now you have these people that just come here and completely disregard any paperwork or the "bureaucracy of the immigration". Or they come here the right way, then they stay past their alloted time, and let their visas run-out. Now this same person from the Congo that I was referring to is still waiting for entry into our country meanwhile the illegal is here taking advantage of our democracy and is denying this Congo person the opportunity to be here. The simple fact is that illegals can't/don't go through the means necessary like those that want to do it the right way. Who are they that they don't have to go through the proper channels? Or for those that have over-stayed on their visas, who are they to get away being here ILLEGALLY? If I do something illegal, I deserve to get caught and punished for it. Meanwhile, their are now people that are fighting for illegal immigrants saying that they have done something illegal and SHOULD NOT be punished for their behavior!
Just the work ILLEGAL says that something is wrong. It tells me that this person has done something that goes against our country's laws and should be punished for it. If I can be punished for speeding, they should be punished for being here illegally and yes it is that simple.
If you want to see that I am not alone in my feelings and beliefs on this topic, go to this website:
http://www.smalltowndefenders.com/public/.
Like Mayor Barletta, I am 100% for people coming to our country and sharing the freedoms and liberties that we have to offer. I welcome them with open arms and hope their lives are better for coming here.That is what this country was built on and will continue to grow with.
What bothers me, and will continue to bother me as this debate goes on, is that these people are here ILLEGALLY.

The Cost of Children

Something absolutely positive for a change. We have repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time we have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice.
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140.00 for a middle income family. Talk about price shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition. But $160,140.00 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into:
* $8,896.66 a year,* $741.38 a month, or * $171.08 a week. * That's a mere $24.24 a day! * Just over a dollar an hour.
Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite. What do you get for your $160,140.00?
* Naming rights. First, middle, and last!
*Glimpses of God every day.
* Giggles under the covers every night.
* More love than your heart can hold.
* Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
* Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.
* A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.
* A partner for blowing bubbles and flying kites.
* Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140.00, you never have to grow up. You get to:
* finger-paint,* carve pumpkins,* play hide-and-seek,* catch lightning bugs, and * never stop believing in Santa Claus.
You have an excuse to:
* keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh,* watch Saturday morning cartoons,* go to Disney movies, and * wish on stars.* You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect! spray painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
For a mere $24.24 a day, there is no greater bang for your buck. You get to be a hero just for:
* retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof,* taking the training wheels off a bike,* removing a splinter,* filling a wading pool,* coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
You get a front row seat in history to witness the:* first step,* first word,* first bra,* first date, and * first time behind the wheel. You get to be immortal. You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren. You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.
In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there under God. You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, have children without counting the cost. That is quite a deal for the price!!!!!!!
Love & enjoy your children & grandchildren & great- grandchildren!!!!!!! It's the best investment you'll make.

Hokey Pokey Obituary

This is for those of us with a warped sense of humor!

Sad News...With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey," died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Cindy's Movin' In

This story is courteous of Wacotrib.com:

Roll out the welcome wagon: Cindy SheehanÂ’s moving to Crawford
Friday, July 28, 2006
By Katy Moore and Mike Copeland
Tribune-Herald staff writers
CRAWFORD — When peace activist Cindy Sheehan returns here next month to protest the war in Iraq, she won’t be a guest. She’ll be one of Crawford’s newest residents.
Sheehan’s peace group, Gold Star Families for Peace, said on its Web site Thursday that Sheehan had purchased five acres on State Highway 317, about a half-mile north of the sole traffic light here. County records indicate she is acquiring the property through a third party who himself recently purchased it.
On her Web site, Sheehan says she’s already planning to mount next month’s war protest on the property, again timed for the period when President Bush routinely spends his vacation at his Central Texas ranch. The Bush ranch is several miles west of Sheehan’s place, and area residents are largely defensive of the president.
“Well, there’s not much we can do about it,” said Jamie Burgess of the Red Bull gift shop in town. “I guess she has the right to buy (property) here.”
Longtime Crawford resident Bobby D. Ramsey sold a little more than five acres to Gerald T. Fonseca, a New Orleans native who said he was displaced by Hurricane Katrina last fall. Fonseca was in Crawford along with hundreds of other war protesters when the hurricane destroyed his home Aug. 29.
Fonseca, who identifies himself as a Vietnam veteran and a member of Veterans for Peace, had been living more recently in Eagle Rock, Mo., with relatives. He has been in Crawford the past four weeks, staying at the Crawford Peace House.
Transfer planned
While Fonseca’s name is on the deed as the land’s new owner, Sheehan’s protest group will use the property for this year’s Camp Casey, the peace camp named for Sheehan’s son, Casey Sheehan, a 24-year-old Fort Hood soldier killed in Iraq in 2004.
In September, Fonseca said, ownership of the land will be transferred to Sheehan.
Ramsey, who soon may find unexpected neighbors when protesters move into a huge tent on the property he sold, said he was unaware before the sale that it would be used by Sheehan to host Camp Casey in August.
“(Fonseca) said he was going to build a home and, one day, a shop (on the land),” Ramsey said Thursday, speaking from his adjacent property in Crawford. “He told me that Katrina wiped him out.. . . . It didn’t even occur to me that he could use it for this.”
Fonseca confirmed he never indicated to his new neighbors that the land would be transferred to Sheehan, but he said that was always the plan. He said the $52,500 used to pay for the property — a spread of rustic, wooded prairie with no houses — came from Sheehan and her Gold Star Families for Peace.
Fonseca said he acted as “an agent” for Sheehan, negotiating the purchase and closing the deal with Ramsey.
“They’re really good neighbors,” Fonseca said of families nearby. “The idea again is that we’re here to be good neighbors, to make it as comfortable as we can for everyone.”
While Sheehan frequently attacks Bush for his policy on the war in Iraq, she has often discussed, like Bush, how much she likes Crawford and Central Texas. On her Web site, Sheehan says she originally “never understood how George Bush could pick such a place as Crawford to have his home.”
She goes on to say, however, that “after spending an entire year there in every season, I totally understand. I even get upset when people put Crawford down in any way.”
Bush, whose presidency has been marked by frequent retreats to his Prairie Chapel Ranch, purchased his property near Crawford in 1999. Crawford has been the site of numerous protests since he became president in 2001.
Sheehan gained international fame last August when she led war protests from a roadside ditch near the president’s ranch, demanding Bush interrupt his vacation to meet and discuss the war. The month also saw counterprotests staged by supporters of the president.
Citing concerns about traffic safety and roadside sanitation, county commissioners later passed an ordinance outlawing anyone from camping along the road near Bush’s ranch, which subsequently sparked legal challenges over free speech issues.
‘It will keep traffic off’
McLennan County Commissioner Ray Meadows, whose precinct includes both the Bush ranch and the five acres Sheehan will soon own, said he was glad to see the so-called “peace mom” moving in because it would likely preclude last summer’s roadside protests near the Bush ranch.
“It’ll keep the traffic off Prairie Chapel Road,” he said Thursday. “I am ecstatic about it. It will keep them off the road and keep traffic moving.”
He went on to jest that Sheehan’s protest group was “all just a part of summer now.”
On her Web site, Sheehan said she was enthusiastic about the new Crawford site because the peace movement had outgrown sites used last year, “and we needed to move on to bigger property.”
Sheehan says this summer’s war protest will run from Aug. 13 to Sept. 2. White House reports indicate President Bush plans to spend far less time at his ranch this August than usual.
Retired postmaster Joyce Holmes said she could understand how property owners near the Sheehan spread might be anxious about next month.
“I know if I were living out that close, I’d be just like they are,” Holmes said. “I wouldn’t want all that commotion around me.”
Tommy Witherspoon contributed to this story.
kmoore@wacotrib.com
757-5730