Lizards Lay Eggs

This story is, as the old line goes, too good to be true! (Thanks to Dee for contributing this.)

Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.
Here's what happened:Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was"something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in hisroom.
"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm seriousdad, can you help?"
I put my best lizard-healer statement on my face and followed him into hisbedroom.One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed.I immediately knew what to do.
"Honey," Icalled, "come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my! gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged.
"Hey, how can that be? I thought we saidwe didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?"she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her,(in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teethtogether).
"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.
"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know,"she informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. Ishrugged, deciding tomake the best of it.
"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced."We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with alitter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (Ireally do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what lookedlike a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted."It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed thefoot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug.It disappeared.I tried several more times with the same results.
"Should I call911," my eldest daughter wanted to know."Maybe they could talk us through the trauma."(You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap."Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him.(Women can be so cruel to their own young.I mean what she does to me is one thing,but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room andpeered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?"I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron,may I speak to you privately for a moment?"
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not inlabor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen...Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male.And occasionally, as they come into maturity,like most male species, they um....um....masturbate.Just the way he did, lying on his back."He blushed, glancing at my wife."Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.
More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle.And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing thatthe woman I married would commit the upcomingaffront to my flawlessmanliness.
Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It'sjust...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teenylittle..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedlybundled the lizards and our son back into the car.He was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," hetold me.
"Oh, you have NO idea,"
Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
2 - Lizards - $140...
1 - Cage - $50...
Trip to the Vet - $30...
Memory of your husband pulling on alizard's winkie...Priceless
Moral of the story -finish biology class -lizards lay eggs!

Training for Congress (JOKE)

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief, coming right up." He gets the Indian a big mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."

From a Paperclip to a House: One Blogger's TRUE Story

Here is a story I just read about, courtesy of Yahoo News:

Blogger's quest ends with keys to house
By BRIAN BERGSTEIN, AP Technology Writer Mon Jul 10, 2:32 PM ET
Taking a paper clip and turning it into a house sounds like a cheesy magic trick or a phony instance of resourcefulness on the 1980s TV show "MacGyver." Kyle MacDonald, however, has pulled it off.
One year ago, the 26-year-old blogger from Montreal set out to barter one red paper clip for something and that thing for something else, over and over again until he had a house.
On Wednesday the quest is ending as envisioned: MacDonald is due to become the proud owner of a three-bedroom, 1,100-square-foot home provided by the town of Kipling, Saskatchewan. MacDonald and his girlfriend, Dominique Dupuis, expect to move there in early September.
"This is such a cool community project. It feels right," MacDonald said. "And now that I think about it, I can't believe that another small town didn't think of it. It will literally put them on the map."
What's in it for the town? The answer requires a quick MacDonald recap, featuring a menagerie of friendly folks, radio talk show hosts and aging celebrities, all bound together by the Internet.
It began when MacDonald, an aspiring writer, doer of odd jobs and apartment dweller, advertised in the barter section of the Craigslist Web site that he wanted something bigger or better for one red paper clip. He traded it for a fish-shaped pen, and posted on Craigslist again and again.
Roaming Canada and the United States, he exchanged the pen for a ceramic knob, and in turn: a camping stove, a generator, a beer keg and Budweiser sign, a snowmobile, a trip to the Canadian Rockies, a supply truck and a recording contract. Next, in April, he got himself really close, obtaining a year's rent in Phoenix.
His adventure became an Internet blockbuster. He did Canadian and Japanese TV and "Good Morning America." He made dozens of local radio appearances — one of which, in Los Angeles, was heard by a man who ended up as a pivotal figure.
That man is Corbin Bernsen. You may remember him from his roles in "L.A. Law" and "Major League."
Hip to the publicity-generating machine that is Kyle MacDonald, Bernsen contacted him to say he was writing and directing a movie and would offer a paid speaking role as an item available for trade.
MacDonald was thrilled. But he feared the integrity of his journey would be compromised if he accepted the role without trading Bernsen something he really could use. Say what you want about "Major League 3," but Bernsen has done well enough that he doesn't need a free apartment in Phoenix.
So MacDonald kept Bernsen's offer off his blog, but plowed ahead with an eye to finding something Bernsen would legitimately want.
Seemingly disregarding good economic sense, MacDonald traded the year's rent for an afternoon with rocker Alice Cooper. (MacDonald's response: "Alice Cooper is a gold mine of awesomeness and fun.") Then in a move that really confused his blog readers, MacDonald bartered time with Cooper for a snow globe depicting the band Kiss.
Re-enter Corbin Bernsen.
You see, since the days when he'd get free stuff on promotional tours for "L.A. Law," Bernsen has amassed a collection of 6,500 snow globes. "One off, they look sort of goofy," Bernsen said. "Put them all together and they sort of look like pop art."
So MacDonald gave Bernsen the Kiss model and encouraged his blog readers to send the actor even more globes in exchange for autographed pictures.
All this delighted the elders in Kipling, a town of 1,140 believed to have been named in honor of author Rudyard Kipling.
Like many rural towns, Kipling is eager to stave off the perils of dwindling population by attracting new businesses, tourism and above all, attention. When the local development coordinator, Bert Roach, heard about MacDonald's odyssey, he suggested at the next council meeting that Kipling lure him.
Quickly the town purchased an unoccupied rental house on Main Street and offered it to MacDonald. Roach won't disclose the price because MacDonald says he doesn't want to know. But Roach says it was well under the going rate in Kipling, which is about $50,000 Canadian (US$45,000).
The town also pledged to put a giant red paper clip at a highway rest stop and hold an "American Idol"-style competition for the movie role. Participants will have to make a donation to the town's parks department and a charity.
When MacDonald agreed last week, "I was holding back tears, I was so bloody happy," Roach said. "It's going to be such a great project for our community."
Bernsen says that if the right person emerges in the talent show, he'd be willing to cast him or her as a lead. "Maybe a career is going to get started. Maybe it's going to be huge. Maybe that's the magic of Kyle."
MacDonald doesn't expect to live in Kipling forever. But he says he'll make it home at least while he settles down to write a book.
Of course, even if the house came free, he'll have the usual homeowner headaches: taxes, utilities, upkeep. It should come as no surprise that MacDonald isn't worried.
"I'll figure something out," he said. "I can get a job. There's three grocery stores in town."

Been awhile...Boulder, CO

Sorry that I have not posted in awhile. My wife and daughter accompanied me on a trip to Boulder, CO where I had chance to go for work AND spend some time enjoying a few sites with my family! About 2/3 of my time was work and 1/3 fun.
Boulder is a great city! It nestled near the Rocky Mountains, so you have some beautuful scenery to look at and it is only 25 miles from Denver, so you have a nice big city to visit and fly out of. Boulder itself it pretty big. I think it has a population of about 100,000. The center of the city is Colorado University (or is it University of Colorado?) and the have a nice shop area on what is known as Pearl Street. The city is clean and there really is no bad areas.
I have to say that my wife and I liked everything so much that we said we would live there, of course of all of our friends and family are here in Illinois, so we are not selling the home anytime soon. But it would be a decent place to retire to, again we have a few other states closer to us we would move to before we ever retired.
My only complaint would be the hot weather! Being so high up in altitude (6,000+ feet), you are closer to the sun and thus the temperature was in the 90s almost every day!! At least it is in the 90s WITHOUT humidty!!!
The Denver Zoo was simple, but nice. Rocky Mountain National Park was beautiful and high. There was still snow on the mountains at the end of June. We got some great photos.
If you ever want a nice place to visit for a few days, Boulder, CO is on my top ten list.